The 3AM call in the White House
By David M. Kruk -
Red Tractor USA Editor
in Chief
Now that Hillary Clinton
has staked her White House presidential bid on the premise that she is the best
equipped candidate to take “That 3am call in the morning” I can’t stop imagining
3am phone calls to the White House for the different candidates and the current
president, George W. Bush.
First,
since Hillary started it – I will start with her. Phone ringing, “What time is
it Bill? Heck it’s 3am, I’ll get it. Hello, hello, …who is this?" [audible
gasp] “Bill, I think it's ‘That Woman’ and she sounds drunk.”
Hillary continues, “Listen
bitch, Bill can’t come to the phone right now and don’t call back here trying to
wreck our marriage. Bill has repented for his sins and I have forgiven him.
From what he told me anyway, honey, you weren’t that good.” Hillary bangs down
the phone.
“See Bill, I handled that
3am call well!”
Or the phone the rings at
3am, and Bill answers, “Sorry, wrong Clinton here. Let me get Hillary. She’s in
charge here now, always was, but I will make sure to advise her well in whatever
decision she makes. Hillary, it’s for you.”
Now, to be fair, one can
also easily see John McCain taking a call at 3am. The conversation goes like
this. Phone ringing, “Cindy dear, can you grab that, ooh, no I mean the phone
dear. Thank you.” The conversation continues, “McCain here. What? Those
Iranian bastards fired on another ship? Get the word to that that Iranian prick
that we are going to stick a nuke up his asshole soon if he doesn’t get his act
together.”
Now for Cindy’s McCain
turn. Phone ringing,” Hello, hello, hi who is this? Rico? What the… Why are
you calling me at 3am? I’m stocked up on my pain killers for while.” She hangs
up. “Cindy, who was that dear?” Mr. McCain asks.
“Just my doctor dear. Go
back to sleep John.”
Now for Barrack Obama’s
turn. Phone ringing at 3am. “Dear, it’s the phone and it’s 3am. This could be
it!” Hopping up in his black and white pin strip pajamas, President Obama
answers the phone.”Yes, this is the President speaking. What, they fired on
another of our ships? Get the word to that Iranian president that we are on a
small planet here and that their shot at our ship is not just an attack on us as
Americans, or on our armed forces in the Gulf,. but rather that it’s an attack
on the world, the global community of those united for democracy and peace”.
Brief me in the morning, goodnight.”
Now, we can’t leave
President Dubya outa the fun. Phone ringing at 3am. “Hello, Jenna is that you?
Do you know that it is 3am?? What, I can’t hear you, you thought it was 2?
You need some money? I can’ hear you. Sounds like you are in a bar. What?
Manhattan? Here talk to you mother”.
Or for a serious call to
George Bush at 3am. Phone ringing, “President here, what time is it? 3am eh…good
thing I don’t drink anymore! What, the Iranians fired another shot at one of
our warships? Tell that knucklehead that he looks like Gilligan to me. Wait,
maybe not that. Tell him that we goin' be over there for the next 100 years
making his life a living hell and then see what he thinks!” Click. “I wonder if
this line is wiretapped?”
Mr. Bush smirks to his
wife, “Back in the day, I would just be getting home at 3am. Goodnight babe.”
"Goodnight
Mr. President."
|
Washington DC,
David Kruk - Wondering what Laura Bush has been up to lately? Intrigued by her complete
absence of any public appearances standing by her man, President George W.Bush,
Red Tractor USA recently set out to find out what the First Lady has been doing. 
