Bush Pardons Newly-Resigned Gonzales
Waco, TX August 27,
2007 –by Bobzaguy
Immediately after sharing a fine North Texas brunch of grits and tender brush
salad, President George W. Bush stepped up to the press microphones at his ranch
and announced that he would sign an executive pardon for his newly axed Attorney
General “Fredo” Gonzales.
“I think it’s the right
thing to do at this stage of the game,” said the president when asked about the
almost-instantaneous post-resignation pardon. “Fredo has born a shoulder-busting
load for this presidency as he has led the battle against tourism in the
nation.” Bush continued, “he’s been non-stop at keeping the tourists out of the
country since 911 by making sure there were plenty of other places open for them
that wanted to enter the country illegally.”
“Because of my executive
privilege, I am unable at this time to classify all the points at which Judge
Gonzales has been fervently, yes fervently, manning the forts to keep these
people out of our country. He’s been a mastermind of many of the new
technological methods of hunting down tourism world-wide,” Bush related. “Just
let it be known that he did a heck of a job while he could.”
“I am sorry I can’t answer any of your questions right this
minute,” the president stated with his hand palm-out to the press assembled,
“but I want the citizens of this fine country we have here to know that, for his
heroic efforts at quashing tourism in the US and around the globe, Alberto
Gonzales will not have the spectre of jail hanging over his head for his fine
deeds as my Attorney General. I am issuing a general pardon for any and all
things that may come up about his tenure at the Department of Justice. Thank you
all for coming out today.”
The president then left the press briefing center at his
ranch and, with Alberto Gonzales at his side, they mounted their horses and rode
off to whack some bushes.
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