Barbie
Resigns From Mattel
Malibu Beach, CA Sept.
11, 2007. –by BobZaguy
After the Mattel toy recalls on August 14 and September 5, 2007, Mattel's CEO
Robert Eckert announced in an online video that a number of Barbie's houses,
condos and various furniture and accessories had been tainted with lead paint
and were unusable. He recommended that everyone who had any of these items
return them for a refund. And hundreds of thousands of customers were so
grateful to Mattel for acting so quickly and with such well-placed concern.
Sadly, one person was left
without any recourse for her damaged goods and property - Barbie herself. She
was denied any form of restitution for her tainted things. Even a dog and a cat
were unmistakably tainted with lead and may have to be put down. Such a complete
heart-rending disaster has rarely been recorded in history to this day.
And Barbie has decided to
fight back. She has announced her resignation from the Mattel Company, effective
September 30, 2007. Rumors have sprung up about the possible shift to rival toy
companies, but since Mattel owns them all, it's hard for her to find a new home.
Reached at her Malibu
Estate, where she lives with her "friend" of many years, Ken, Barbie said "It is
devastating for me - for us. What are we to do now?" She continued, "Ken and I
...didn't know how to run a business, but we had dreams and talent."
Always expressive in his
macho way, Ken chimed in, “I believed it was important to a little girl’s
self-esteem, to play with a doll that has breasts.”
Over the years, Barbie
estimates that there are over a billion of her living somewhere today. Just not
quite so many Kens.
When asked to recall some of
her most memorable moments, Barbie stared blankly for a bit then recalled, "At
the celebration of the Bicentennial in 1976, I remember being buried in the
official 'America's Time Capsule'. Then I remember becoming 'Totally Hair
Barbie' in 1992. I generated globally over $100 million. That's when Cher
began to mimic my hair toss. I beat Oprah that year! The only other year I beat
her was in 1998, when I made over $1.7 billion. Not bad for someone who is less
than a foot tall."
Barbie has always had her
critics. Most say that she reinforces sexism with her unbearably youthful
demeanor, her dumb-as-a-rock intelligence and her knock-out, tits-forward
physique. To which Barbie is quick to say, "If I was 5 foot 6 instead of my
current height, I would be 39-21-33. I think that's pretty smart and it sure is
youthful."
She continued with one of
her trademarked serious looks, "Being Barbie today is a great deal more than
when I began. I work hard teaching girls how to personalize their own Barbie
dolls by helping them design, create, play and dream using Barbie™
state-of-the-art software."
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