Bush Economic Policy

Bush Economic Policy: A "Shot In The Arm"

Washington, DC - President Bush announced at a press conference on Friday his new “shot in the arm” economic policy. “This new economic policy I have had a vision of is to put a shot in the arm of everyone who controls actual spending of moneys in our terrorist-free land,” he stated in his opening statement.

Continuing on, “I am going to appoint the leadership for this economic campaign. The leaders will, after their training boot camp, go to the Congressional members of the House and Senate Ways & Means committees to give them a “shot in the arm” to write my policy into law.”

Then he said, “Here’s what I have seen. This isn’t a dream, mind you. my Vice President, Dick Cheney, will amass his lieutenants -0 Wolfowitz, Pearle, Addington, Libby, Matalin - at an upstate Pennsylvania lodge for their comprehensive training in firearms use - extreme close range. Within 6 short months of close-order drills in arms shooting with various types of weapons, they will be ready for combat - er - leading the House and Senate committee members to the table to write my vision into law. In a true democratic fashion, I might add.”

Asked how these Cheney-taught people would effect the vision, the president said with his famous snicker, “He-he-he, well with a real ‘shot in the arm!’ “ He’ll show ‘em how to bring ‘em down - er - to the table.”

A reporter asked, “You are seriously going to have the Vice President shoot House & Senate members?”

“No - he won’t do the shooting. Just teach ‘em how to do it. Paul, Dickie, Davey, Mattie - they’ll do the arm shooting. Just wing ‘em a little in their left arms - don’t want any damage on the right, you see. He-he-he. Well if they get Pelosi or Rangel in the left side, that could happen.”

Brit Hume questioned, “How do you plan to treat all these wounds?”

“Oh,” the president answered, “these will be mostly superficial wounds. You know, token blood. There’ll be a few Halliburton folds in the cloak rooms to wipe off the blood, staple up the mistaken chest wound or two, that sort of thing. Not expected to be a big deal.

“I don’t see it going much past noon - two o’clock at most - for the rest of the members to get my drift on this economy vision thing.”

Helen Thomas was recognized. “Mr President, what will all this cost?”

“Well Helen,” Mr. Bush began, “I was hoping someone would see past the hoopla and get into the dirt with me. I figure it will put about $150 billion into the economy in 6 months.”

“Follow up Mr. President?”

“Sure Helen.”

“Exactly how will this take place?”

“Helen, you are like a little terrorist - er terrier - on this I see. OK, here’s my view on the payout... Cheney and his boot camp costs…$60 billion; House & Senate shootout…$18 billion; KBR cleanup…$70 billion; Presidential staff and travel…$2 billion.”

“Followup sir?”

“Well, OK Helen…but final answer here from me, he-he-he.”

“Why so much for travel for you and staff? If your ‘shot in the arm’ is only going to last for a morning, maybe through lunch?”

“OK, OK, OK…I get where you are going with this. I really have to sell this around the world to our ally, you know. I for see 6-8 trips to talk with Brown in London. Then at least as many trips to talk with Tony Blair wherever he may bee in his global job. Our closest estimate is $2 Billion here, which is probably more than we will actually spend. But we are including a 15% cost overrun as we are outsourcing the flights that will move my motorcade back and forth to save a little.”

“I know that sounds silly as we are supposed to be putting this money into our own economy, but the fast freight shipping company is based in Dubai, and that money won’t ever get back to our economy in my lifetime. Where as Cheney promises to buy a couple of ranches more in Montana or wherever he plans to retire. That will easily be back in the economy by Christmas. And that’s what this country needs is more spending on those Christmas presents, folks.”

By Bobzaguy

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