The Corporate Dress Code

By  David  M.  Kruk

Every summer one or all of my many superiors reminds me of the corporate dress code here at the hospital in New Jersey.  Now I am not sure who comes up with this stuff or why, but it does make for an entertaining team meeting.   So this month I am reviewing some highlights from our corporate dress code policy with you in that hope that you can live and learn from them. 

“Sweat Suite (any type)”     Do not wear sweat suits to work!  For that matter, most of you should not wear sweat suits at all.   I think that you know who you are. But just in case, if you have a flabby ass, I beg you not to wear sweat suits anywhere and certainly not here. And if you must, please make sure that they are loose fitting. 

“Clothes that are transparent or any part if an undergarment”.   What else can I say, but I have seen some strange stuff lately.  Specifically, when did woman start wearing their lingerie outside?    As a male, I don’t really mind this, but it is a little strange.    Saturday night maybe, but not here at work please and not unless you weigh less than 150 pounds.    Men, out of the question. 

I’m not even going to get into the transparent garments, but if you want to push this, you better be at least good looking and under 40.  And again, try this when you’re out on the town and not at here at work. 

“Lack of proper undergarments” Now that is a good one.   I’m not sure who in HR thought of this one or even why they thought of this, but needless to say when you are at work please wear proper undergarments.   

Not only is this just a good practice anyway, it will keep workplace distractions to a minimum.   And I have to say, that most people that do not wear undergarments are not nearly as good looking as they think they are!  

“Unsafe footwear and flip-flops”.       I think that many people are accepting flip flops from woman now. But men, please do not wear these to work.   First, you might drop something on your toes and secondly, I do not want to see your stinky feet.    So the bottom line here is that flips flops may be ok when your college team visits the White House, but do not wear these at work. 

“Halter tops, bare midriffs, crop tops, tank tops”   Come on fellows, stop this right now.  Just kidding.  Ever see a guy at work wearing a halter top?  Not a pretty sight.  Tank tops could be worse.  And what exactly is a “Crop top” anyway? 

“Low-cut clothing, thin shoulder straps, sundresses”       Oh well.  Sorry, that’s HR's rule, not mine.