Ex-Homeland Security Secretary To Auction
Duct Tape Collection
Pittsburgh, PA -
Ex-Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge
today announced, through the New York auction company Sotheby’s, that on August
1-3, 2008, he will hold a personal auction of his sizeable collection of duct
tape. The collection is rumored to be close to 365 million rolls in all 25 of
the colors available.
When asked
why he is downsizing this amazing collection, he said, “Well, I wanted to do two
things with my collection. First, as no museum has showed any interest in my
passion, I decided that the people of America should have the opportunity to own
a piece of terrorism history. Something they can put on the mantel and show to
the grandkids. These duct tape rolls can become a fond reminder of our wonderful
first decade of the 21st century. Second, I needed to move ahead
with my life and I felt it was time to begin to throw off the shackles that have
weighed me down over the past few years. I need to be happy with my life and as
I get closer to walking my last steps, I want to feel free. Keeping up the
payments of this 200,000 sq ft warehouse is going to be a massive drain on my
social security paycheck that is coming soon.
Mr. Ridge’s
collection is not only functional, it is decorative as well. The majority of the
rolls is the 60 yard size and come in 1-inch, 2-inch, 3-inch and the popular
4-inch extra large size. Ridge hopes that the most-wanted packs are the
patriotic “RED WHITE AND BLUE” duct tape packs He is especially proud of his 35
million pack collection and thinks that these will be snapped up by the VA
hospitals, cathedrals and government buildings throughout the land.
These
patriotic packs, originally valued at retail for $17.76 (he’s so pleased with
the patriotic pricing!) on the company’s website, are now, after several years
of aging in a temperature-controlled warehouse, being offered at auction for the
reserve price of $20.08 (a subtle patriotic reference to the year of the sale).
Other
patriotic colors available are the 2-inch Olive Drab rolls, for families with
sons and daughters in Iraq and Afghanistan; the School Bus Yellow rolls for
families with children still in school; and, in a quiet bow to the gay
community, the 2-inch Pink Triangle roll which is sure to be snapped up in
minutes of being offered at auction.
All of these
colors are presented in packages of 10 rolls per color and bidding to begin at
the fine aged price of $75 per pack. The original price for these special colors
was $5.95 each, $59.95 for 10 rolls. This is a super bargain price for these
quasi-antiques which will remain popular for their patriotic colors. Be the
first in your neighborhood to tape up your windows with your patriotic messages.
Who can resist?
Secretary
Ridge is humbly asking that anyone who wants to attend this extraordinary
auction in New York City, slated for May 1-3, 2008, send their name and social
security number to Sotheby’s to register for the event. To prevent this duct
tape from falling into the wrong hands, no one will be allowed into the auction
premises without an official Sotheby’s pass. And rest assured that the social
security numbers will be protected from any people who might want them.
Bidders are
also advised to ship their own shopping bags to Sotheby’s as well, as they will
not be allowed to enter with any personal belongings or empty containers, just
cash. Companies and other large commodity purchasers are encouraged to register
their checking account numbers as well as other information. No credit will be
extended, no matter what your affiliation. Those unable to attend the auction
will be able to bid both by phone and online at the
Sotheby’s
website,
www.sothebys.com/ducttaperidge.
By Bobzaguy
|
Saying that he became a
slave to his penis when he was prescribed Viagra, Ohio resident John A. Wills
filed suit today in Seabury County court against Pfizer Inc., the makers of the
drug.
