News Satire From The Field

Old Joke Keeps Getting Funnier, Scientists Baffled

CHICAGO, IL.— Humorologists at The University Of Chicago, where fun goes to die, are currently wrestling with what appears to be an old joke that continues to get funnier with each and every telling. 

“The joke clearly violates the law of conservation of humor, which states that the funniness of a joke is inversely proportional to the number of times it is told,” said Jojo Titterbags, professor of modern jocularities. “We may very well be looking at the Higgs boson of jokes, or as we humorologists call it, the Higglesworth banoonza.” 

The joke, you know, the one about the chicken, the priest, and the leprechaun, has existed in a variety of forms throughout human history.  The earliest recorded version of the joke was discovered in Egypt by archeologist James Henry Breasted in 1921. It featured  a goat, the Pharaoh, and a serpopard.  

Until the late 90s, the joke was not funny enough to be of any scientific note, nor did it posses enough latent humor to be worth retelling except in the most dire of circumstances. Only recently, says Titterbags, did the joke reach critical laughs, at which point its growing humor became observable. Even so, the possibility that the joke will keep getting funnier presents interesting challenges to researchers. 

“If we keep telling the joke, we risk it becoming so funny that we are unable to study it with modern instruments,” said Louise-Marie Caterpillar-Pogslow, head of punchline research. “Our current equipment can only take so much humor stress before it needs to be repaired, and ultimately replaced.” 

Currently there is still one joke that is funnier than the presumed Higglesworth banoonza, the details of which are yet unreleased by the scientific community. It has been untold for the last 50 years, preserved in a state of humor-stasis so as not to diminish its quality.  Research suggests, however, that at the current rate of delivery, the Higglesworth banoonza will surpass the untold joke in absolute humor by as early as 2013. 

“We are all professionals here in the lab, so there is no immediate risk of us finding the joke so funny that we are no longer able to study it objectively,” said Caterpillar-Pogslow, honking her clown-nose. “That being said, there is the distinct possibility that the joke may yet become funny enough to kill, at which point no one will be safe.” 

In response to this potential threat, comedians such as Pauly Shore and Carrot Top have vowed never to tell the joke in a public setting, even at the risk of becoming less funny than they already are. These sacrifices, though noble gestures, will not be nearly enough to stem the tide of hilarious destruction should the joke get out of hand. 

“As fascinating as this is, we all hope that this joke starts getting less funny any day now, otherwise global warming will be the least of our worries,” remarked Caterpillar-Pogslow.  “But heck, it’ll be a great way to go.”