The Best News Satire In The Field

Washington DC – In their first 100 hours in power for OVER a decade (1994-2006 remember?), Democrats plan to vote on approved methods to torture President George Bush. Having been inspired by the Bush administration’s owns torture policies and practices in the Iraq war, Democrats have been compiling a list of preferred torture methods to give George Bush a taste of his own medicine.

Water boarding had been endorsed by Vice President Dick Cheney in the Iraq War as an approved method of torture and intelligence gathering. Newly elected Democratic Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, told Red Tractor USA that she can’t wait to see George Bush on a water board. Pelosi stated, “I can’t begin to imagine the look on that poor bastard’s face when I’m pouring water over his head.”

Other leading Democrats are said to have formed a committee to research the torture methods that are available to them. In addition to water boarding, these Democrats have indicated that making the president stand for 100 consecutive hours would make them happy. A variation of the standing for 100 hours torture method includes having the President stand for 100 hours in only his Presidential boxer shorts. Another variation has Bush standing for 100 hours in his boxing shorts while watching home videos of Nancy Pelosi.

The Democrats on the Presidential torture committee have speculated that making Bush watch videos of women in power for 100 hours straight, may alone force the man to crack. Other methods of torture researched by the committee include keeping the President in a “Cold Cell” with a temperature of 50 degrees, then forcing him to stand naked in front of Democratic female House of Representative members for a prolonged period of time.