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Greyhound Applauded for Deterring Terrorists,
Passengers
By
Brian K. White at Glossy News
The
Greyhound Bus Line felt all the new safety constraints following the events of
September 11, 2001, without enjoying any of the benefits of Homeland Security
revenue. Their path towards deterring the threat of terrorism has not been an
easy one, but by deterring all passengers from using their bus line, they have
been thus far 100% successful, and for that they are earning highest accolades.
 "Greyhound
has never been an ideal way to travel," explains Kim Plaskett, public relations
representative from Greyhound, "but with only a handful of strategic
'improvements' we've been able to avoid not only terrorists, but passengers and
revenue as well."
Travel Security Administration director Mark Hatfield said, "Oh God no, we're
not giving those guys a dime. [Buses] are one 'non-specific' threat we still
haven't seen. [Greyhound] is doing a great job of keeping their routes free of
terrorists, suspected terrorists and average citizens."
Other measures employed by Greyhound to stop the threat of terrorism and
ridership include relocating employee bathrooms to onboard latrines, refusing to
segregate crazies from non-crazies and alternating cabin temperatures from 48
degrees to 103 degrees at unpredictable intervals.
"The bathrooms have always been really bad," says Dave Omac of Boise, Idaho.
"They only clean them out like every six hours, and now the employees all rush
out and use it before we even leave. The only thing more disgusting than a truck
stop crapper [the only alternative during transit] is that onboard outhouse.
It's really disgusting."
The question of segregating crazies from non-crazies was dismissed as a
non-issue by Harold Ferry, a driver between Missoula and Denver. Said Ferry, "If
you're riding my bus, you're crazy."
The recognition of achievement is being given in the form of a letter of
appreciation, computer-signed by Donald Rumsfeld himself, by proxy.
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Government study: trailer trash live in trailer parks
 Washington DC, David
Kruk - The
Federal Office of Minimum Living Standards (OMLS) recently concluded a two year,
multi million dollar study of mobile trailer parks. The findings of this study,
outlines how mobile home trailer parks are populated with red necks, trailer
trash. hookers, petty criminals and convicted sex offenders.
The report published last
month concludes in most cases almost all residents of trailer parks are red
necks. While the report does not indicate how this came to be, it verified that,
on average, seventy-five percent of residents in most trailer parks were poor
white people known as red necks. Trailer
Trash Cont.
Pills force man to think only
about sex, man sues
 Stonecastle, Ohio- Bobzaguy -
Saying that he became a
slave to his penis when he was prescribed Viagra, Ohio resident John A. Wills
filed suit today in Seabury County court against Pfizer Inc., the makers of the
drug.
“These little blue diamonds are playing havoc with my
thoughts” said Mr. Wills, a creamatory operator. “As I have got older, my wife
is complaining about me and our personal sex things, so I saw my doc and he gave
me this prescription for Viagra 100mg. Well, I have to admit they do work the
way the instruction video says that’s for sure. Wow, is she happy.”
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