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Cell phones for the homeless 

New York, NY- Bobzaguy- Since the cell phone market is maturing, where are the phone companies going to go to increase sales? The Homeless.  Problem is there is no mail address to send the monthly bills. And prepaid also works for people with permanent home addresses as well.

Solution:  Coin Cell Phones. 

Cell Phone For The Homeless  American Quarter 25 Cents

Thanks to emerging technology, it is possible to retro-fit any cell phone into a coin phone for the homeless. According to marketing people at Verizon, this solution erases the need for a billing address, and brings upwards of 50-60 million new phone accounts into play. 

As many homeless once probably had a real phone number, or were married to someone who did, this could be easily reinstated without the address. And since there would be no billing, it doesn't matter what the new phone users want to call themselves. 

Like docking stations for iPods, the new battery-operated coin devices plug into the cell phones and allow the phone to operate whenever a coin is inserted. Just insert 25¢ and you get 2 minutes of hassle-free talk, anywhere in the world. 

Since miniaturization has had its effects on cell  phone size, the new coin attachment will only be able to accept a limited number of coins. But, as soon as the phone's owner fills the capacity, all he has to do is empty the coins and mail them in to Verizon. On  receipt, Verizon automatically reactivates the phone to accept more coins. Simply a matter of a 4-5 day postal turn-around. 

Verizon intends to be able to offer walk-up coin deposit service at their company stores as quickly as they can assure that there are accurate coin counters on staff. This will speed the payment process for cell phone users. 

Verizon's first coin phones will be able to accept $3 worth of quarters before the phones shut down until payment is received. As the size of quarters is not foreseen to be miniaturized soon, this will remain a small problem for the user. However, Verizon is optimistic that the homeless will be so excited to be able to call each other and long-lost family, to aimlessly chatter away about nothing, just like the real folks do, that they will register few complaints. 

In the future, Verizon conjectures the possibility of a credit card swipe slot being added. Not that there is a big chance that any homeless will acquire a Visa card soon, but if a miniaturized printout can be invented, then the homeless will be able to receive credit card donations in 25¢ increments from anyone on the street and give back a  receipt.

 

 

 

    05/12/2008

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Past News Satire Headlines

American Family Flees To Mexico
Crazy Chicks
Glenn Beck Guns on campus
Greyhound Deterring Passengers and Terrorists
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Mike Huckabee Meets Pat Robertson
Neighborhood Gone Bad
Pope Benedict's Secret
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Study: Trailer Trash Live In Trailer Parks
Unemployment Union Local 641 Goes on Strike
Viagra Lawsuit
Wal-Mart To Offer Sex Toys

Past Political Satire

Bill O'Reilly "I'm not a racist"
Bush Borders
Bush Economic Policy
Bush Education Program
Bush Torture Zcar
Carrot And Stick
Dick Cheney Naval Observatory
George Bush Boxing
Google NSA Join Forces
Homeland Security Duct Tape Auction
John McCain Running Mate: Danica Patrick
Laura Bush Smoking and Drinking
Waterboarding added to 2008 Olympics

Red Tractor USA Columnist

3AM Call To The White House
3AM Call To The White House
Brown Nosing
Corporate Dress Code
Excuses For Being Late To Work
Excuses for being late to work - Autumn
Looking Important at Work
Office Holiday Party Behavior
Office Holiday Party Behavior

Business Satire

Barbie Resigns From Mattel
Bathroom Time Monitored
Bekins Moving Into Future
Chinese Chopstick Recall
Depressing Office
Fast Walking Employee
Holiday Party At Wendy's
Home Depot Sales Person
Homeless Cell Phones
McDonald's Drive Through Outsourced
Problem Solving Flow Chart
Voice Mail Greeting Left on For 18 Months
Wal-Mart Layoffs
Yellow Posted Notes

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Arts and Crap Fair
Bike On Bus
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College Graduate Unemployment
Corrupt Mayor
Do You Tell Your Doctor How Much You Drink?
Foie Gras Chicago
Fun banned at beach
Oil Change Parking Lot
Special Report: Things Not to do Drunk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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News Satire Disclaimer

Red Tractor USA is a news satire and political satire web publication.   All news articles contained within are fiction, fake news,  news satire, humor, political satire or general humor and satire news.  All names used are fictional except those belonging to celebrities and politicians.   Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence in cases of news satire except for all references to George W. Bush, the Bush administration, Dick Cheney, and the White House.     Red Tractor USA is intended for a mature audience.   If our site is offensive in any way, please watch Glenn Beck or  Bill O'Reilly if you are more comfortable with lies, distortions and half truths.  If you have a sense of humor and enjoy news satire and political satire, please enjoy.  

 

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