News Satire - Political Satire - News Satire - Political Satire - News Satire - Political Satire - News Satire - Political Satire - News Satire - News Satire -

Huckabee secret meeting with Robertson revealed

Virginia Beach, Va., March 3, 2008 —BobZaguy Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee met in secret with Dr. Pat Robertson at his Regent University offices on St. Valentine’s Day, February 14, 2008.

At first glance, the meeting would seem to have been a request for Rev. Robertson’s support. Having one of the nation’s best-known televangelists publicly voice political support could help Huckabee in his quest to reassure conservative Republicans that he is the candidate they want because of his views on abortion rights and gay marriage.

Mr. Robertson has publicly stated that “the overriding issue before the American people is the defense of our population from the blood lust of Islamic terrorists” and he has not wavered from this view recently. Except that one time in Dallas, but that’s a different thing.

Amazingly, we have been told that Mr. Huckabee paid his secret visit to Dr. Robertson’s office to expressly ask him not to announce his support for Huckabee’s candidacy for president. The support of Mr. Robertson would seem to help Mr. Huckabee present himself as a viable candidate to the Christian right. Huckabee seems to be shunning this support. 

It is reported by the security officer stationed at Dr. Robertson’s office door that Mr. Huckabee specifically asked Dr. Robertson to remain attached to Rudy Guilanni’s failed candidacy. “I heard it myself right here at the door. Huckabee shouted Dr. Robertson down when he tried to offer his public support. Man, I tell you, this Huckabee was burning mad,” said Chief Officer Smitt.

“It wouldn’t surprise me any if the Dr. would come out for one of the other candidates, maybe Brownback or Thompson, now that Huckabee has made his position known,” continued Smitt.

When Gov. Huckabee was finally reached by phone for his comments on this secret meeting, he said “I have very, very strong views on religion that come about from having studied theology for four years in college, academically. I am a Baptist preacher myself, you know. I understand that a man and a women’s relationship to God is one of the strongest, if not the strongest motivating thing in human history. I wanted to relate this thought to Dr. Robertson, that is all.”

Pressed for direct comments on whether or not he asked Dr. Robertson to stay at arm’s length and not endorse his candidacy, Mr. Huckabee said, “Well you know, no presidential candidate needs a crackpot endorsement. Look what it did for Guilani. This beloved man has demonstrated again and again that he is one oar short of a left turn in a kayak.

“He sided with Falwell who suggested on ‘The 700 Club’ TV show that abortion, gays and lesbians had angered God and the 9/11 terror attack in New York was the direct result of that anger, continued Huckabee. “Then he suggested that people should assassinate Chavez in Venezuela. Wow. That was totally stupid. And his whole thing about threats from US judges being more serious than a few terrorists who fly into buildings, well, that was simply as stupid as me telling people that I cooked squirrels in my popcorn popper in college. I’ll never live that down.” 

Asked if he has spoken at Regent University yet, Huckabee demurred a bit. “Yes, I have been there at the University several times in the past. I spoke there when I was in the governor’s office in Arkansas.  It was an important forum then. Now I think it is different. 

I think that the traditional social issues for conservatives in the post-Sept. 11 world are still the ones which voters will address when they go into the polls to cast their votes. Go Texas.” 

American family flees USA for Mexico

Phoenix, Az. –  Asking, “What’s so great about  life here” a young Phoenix Arizona man and his family today declared their intention to migrate to Mexico in search of employment and a better life. 

In what may be the first of a new trend in reverse immigration Adam Smith, age 30, and his wife Emily, 29 and their two children today announced to their family and relatives that they were going drive across the Mexican border in the upcoming week in search of a better life.  

Having just been laid off from his job in the technology field because it was outsourced to a firm in India and facing foreclosure on their house, Mr. Smith told relatives today in Phoenix that he had heard from a Mexican chef at the local diner that a family of four can live in Mexico for just a few pesos a month.  American Family Flees To Mexico

Bush to appoint torture zcar

Washington, DC - Riding out the remaining 390 days left in his second term as president, George Bush has proposed to add a new Torture Czar to his administration’s cabinet.  As proposed, the new torture Czar will have primary oversight of torture administered by the CIA but will also oversee torture administered by all local and federal agencies.

The Torture Czar will work with CIA director General Mike Hayden to ensure that CIA administered torture is appropriate as related to the desired information that CIA agents are trying obtained from detainees.    

Announced at a news conference today at the White House, the president's press secretary Dana Perino, told reporters that “The Torture Czar will balance our national security needs with our constitution. It is part of our national conscience to make sure that our agencies tasked with protecting our citizens and fighting the war on terror have the tools they need, while at the same time upholding the principles on which our fine county is based.”   Bush Torture Zcar Cont.