Employment At Red Tractor USA
Writer – Political Satire, open to working real long hours with little room for advancement. Red Tractor USA is an equal opportunity employer as long as you are a liberal or a Democrat.
Candidate must be able to write political satire that that is provocative, intelligent and that helps spreads the truth. The ideal candidate should have a masters degree in English, be independently wealthy and willing to waive all rights to any really funny material that this written on the behalf of Red Tractor USA.
Pay is rate is based on experience and willingness to except minimum wage of $5.15 per hour. Since we have outgrown our current office space, candidate must be willing to work in a closet.
Copy Editor – Must also be willing to work long hours with little room for advancement. Copy Editor should be proficient in reading and writing. Must be able to agree with anything we write and keep most comments to their self. Must be up on current events and agree that the New York Times is not afraid to print the truth. Pay is above minimum wage at $5.17 per hour.
Corporate Council – Red Tractor USA is looking for a lawyer willing to defend our constitutional right of free speech. Job responsibilities include policing the Onion to limit it’s ability to lift Red Tractor USA material, protecting Red Tractor USA from dimwitted conservatives that have time and money to mount frivolous law suites, and to otherwise defend us in the event the we put our foot in our mouths.
Strategist – Needs to think out side the box and lead Red Tractor USA in directions that are guaranteed to make millions for it's publishers. Must be able to envision the Democrats taking back the government from the current crop of buffoons we refer to as elected officials.
Filled - Chief Ass Kisser, no experience necessary but a brown nose is useful.
Filled - Errand Boy - No experience required. Job description is that you do any thing that we ask for around $4.00 per hour.
Filled - Yes Man - Again no experience required. Ability to say "Yes" to anything we say no matter how stupid it is.
Filled - General Bitch. Reports to errand boy. Does whatever the errand boy says plus whatever we say.
Filled - Humorist - Laughs at anything we say and or write regardless if it is funny or not.
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Saying that he became a
slave to his penis when he was prescribed Viagra, Ohio resident John A. Wills
filed suit today in Seabury County court against Pfizer Inc., the makers of the
drug.
