McCain to outsource cabinet and agencies
Senate Cloak Room,
Washington D.C. –bobzaguy
Today Senator and Republican Presidential Hopeful John McCain announced that he
would, if elected president, immediately begin to outsource the cabinet and
their respective agencies.
In an informal press
conference while changing from his campaign coat to his Senate cloak for a vote
on the Senate floor, Senator McCain said that he would begin with the important
departments of State and Defense and move quickly to the Housing and Education
departments as well.
"I intend within 60
days of taking office to transfer all the workings of the State Department to a
call center located in Bern, Switzerland. The abilities of those peoples to
manage to stay out of global conflicts is amazing," said the Senator from
Arizona.
"It is to our benefit that
these Swiss people will assume all the work of the few officials who have been
able to cause a difference in our State Department over the past 8 years of the
Bush Administration," he continued. "These Swiss are a canny lot who are serious
about global issues. They stay out of all the hot spots, the conflagrations, the
messes of the world's warmongers."
"I also plan to move the
Defense Department to a call center in
Northern Ireland, as the people
there seem to understand the importance of winning battles a whole lot more than
does our current military leadership. Plus they really could use the jobs there,
I understand."
The senator was then asked
about where the departments of Housing and Education would be outsourced. With
his soon to be called 'characteristic swagger' he said, "I think that you will
be pleased to note that the Housing department will be placed with an Indian
call center. I feel that Indians know what is missing in the housing scene
throughout America these days. And they have the funds to manage the department
and its many ills, what with their casinos bulging with cash as they are."
"As for the Ed people, well
I feel strongly that this department can be easily be dismantled and turned into
a complete home school concept throughout the nation. People already have homes,
so there will be no further need to subsidize all these massive kindergarten,
lower, middle and high school buildings and campuses. One clean sweep and with a
little manipulation of funds to get to the new home schools, we have an
education system that will be just what every school parent wants - subjects
taught to their children the way they wished. By themselves. Well, just think of
the savings in state, county and munincipal superintendents' salaries alone.
Billions and billions of dollars saved that can be spent on the continuing war
efforts that we plan will be needed in the coming years."
"Now I have to get in on the
floor for a couple of votes to keep my voting record stats current. I will have
the rest of the departmental changes for you guys tomorrow morning at the latest. Keep your TVs tuned to Jay Leno tonight, I
might have a couple of surprises to reveal there when I visit with Jay. You know
me, I am full of surprises."
With that comment, the
presumtive president entered the Senate floor and took his seat.
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Washington DC,
David Kruk - Wondering what Laura Bush has been up to lately? Intrigued by her complete
absence of any public appearances standing by her man, President George W.Bush,
Red Tractor USA recently set out to find out what the First Lady has been doing. 
