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Senate Cloak Room, Washington D.C -   Today Senator and Republican Presidential Hopeful John McCain announced that he would, if elected president, immediately begin to outsource the cabinet and their respective agencies.

In an informal press conference while changing from his campaign coat to his Senate cloak for a vote on the Senate floor, Senator McCain said that he would begin with the important departments of State and Defense and move quickly to the Housing and Education departments as well.  

"I intend within 60 days of taking office to transfer all the workings of the State Department to a call center located in Bern, Switzerland. The abilities of those peoples to manage to stay out of global conflicts is amazing," said the Senator from Arizona.  

"It is to our benefit that these Swiss people will assume all the work of the few officials who have been able to cause a difference in our State Department over the past 8 years of the Bush Administration," he continued. "These Swiss are a canny lot who are serious about global issues. They stay out of all the hot spots, the conflagrations, the messes of the world's warmongers."

"I also plan to move the Defense Department to a call center in Northern Ireland, as the people there seem to understand the importance of winning battles a whole lot more than does our current military leadership. Plus they really could use the jobs there, I understand."

The senator was then asked about where the departments of Housing and Education would be outsourced. With his soon to be called 'characteristic swagger' he said, "I think that you will be pleased to note that the Housing department will be placed with an Indian call center. I feel that Indians know what is missing in the housing scene throughout America these days. And they have the funds to manage the department and its many ills, what with their casinos bulging with cash as they are."

"As for the Ed people, well I feel strongly that this department can be easily be dismantled and turned into a complete home school concept throughout the nation. People already have homes, so there will be no further need to subsidize all these massive kindergarten, lower, middle and high school buildings and campuses. One clean sweep and with a little manipulation of funds to get to the new home schools, we have an education system that will be just what every school parent wants - subjects taught to their children the way they wished. By themselves. Well, just think of the savings in state, county and municipal superintendents' salaries alone. Billions and billions of dollars saved that can be spent on the continuing war efforts that we plan will be needed in the coming years."

"Now I have to get in on the floor for a couple of votes to keep my voting record stats current. I will have the rest of the departmental changes for you guys tomorrow morning at the latest. Keep your TVs tuned to Jay Leno tonight, I might have a couple of surprises to reveal there when I visit with Jay. You know me, I am full of surprises."

With that comment, the presumptive president entered the Senate floor and took his seat. 

By BobzGuy

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Glen Beck: “Arm students on campus”

CNN TV show host Glenn Beck today detailed on his program his ideas for arming college students on the nations’ college campuses.   Mr. Beck offered his plan in the wake of the recent shooting deaths at Northern Illinois University in Dekalb, Illinois.

Fed up with colleges being “Gun Free” zones, Mr. Beck proposed the distribution of guns to college students through vending machines that could be located next to the soda pop and snack machines on campus.  Guns on campus cont.

Laura Bush smoking and drinking   

Washington DC,  David Kruk - Wondering what Laura Bush has been up to lately?    Intrigued by her complete absence of any public appearances standing by her man, President George W.Bush, Red Tractor USA recently set out to find out what the First Lady has been doing.

Turns out, not too much more than smoking her favorite cigarettes and drinking beer. That’s right, whether she is down home on the ranch in Crawford or at home in the White House, apparently Laura Bush has been spending much of her free time smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. Laura Bush Smoking Cont.