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Laura Bush Smoking And Drinking            

Washington DC,  Wondering what Laura Bush has been up to lately?    Intrigued by her complete absence of any public appearances standing by her man, President George W.Bush, Red Tractor USA recently set out to find out what the First Lady has been doing. Turns out, not too much more than smoking her favorite cigarettes and drinking beer.

That’s right, whether she is down home on the ranch in Crawford or at home in the White House, apparently Laura Bush has been spending much of her free time smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. While Mrs. Bush has gone to great measures to hide these habits in public and protect her squeaky clean “Lil-ol-me-the-librarian” image, word has been spreading around Washington, DC and Crawford that the First Lady has been increasingly smoking up a storm while relaxing over a cold beer.

Reports of Mrs. Bush’s smoking habit first started circulating last summer when a tourist in Washington, DC spotted the First Lady smoking a butt in the Rose Garden at the White House. According to reports on the internet, Mrs. Bush has also been frequently spotted smoking along with other White House staffers at the service entrance.

In Crawford, Texas, where President Bush and his wife Laura vacation at their sprawling ranch, Mrs. Bush was recently spotted in December on several occasions hanging out at Fred’s Country and Western Bar outside of town with her twin daughters Jenna and Barbara.  With a cigarette in one hand and a Miller Genuine Draft in the other, the Fist Lady reportedly played shuffle puck with her daughters into the wee hours of the morning on several occasions according to bar patrons.

While the White House would not comment on this story, Red Tractor USA recently visited Fred’s bar. Fred Steer, the owner of the bar told Red Tractor USA that Mrs. Bush has been a regular customer for many years now. 

Mr. Steer stated that “While I do not want to go into any details about Mrs. Bush, since she is a regular around here, I can tell you that she usually seems to be having a great time and usually plays Patsy Kline on the jukebox. I can also tell you that she does drink and smoke, but this is a bar, that’s what people do here.”

Back in Washington, Red Tractor USA also investigated Mrs. Bush’s smoking and drinking habits. Across the street from the White House on Pennsylvania Avenue, the owner of a 7-11 convenience store, a Mr. Kamal Patel, told Red Tractor USA the he has long suspected that cigarettes and beer purchased by secret service agents were really for one of the Bushes, but that he always figured that they were for the Bush daughters.

When told that Mrs. Bush herself prefers Camel cigarettes and drinks Miller Genuine Draft bottles, Mr. Patel confirmed that those are the items the secret service agents stop in to buy on a regular basis. Mr. Patel also stated, “These same agents also buy a condom or two once a month or so, so who knows what's up with that?”

Other reports circulating in Washington indicate that Mrs. Bush also spends a lot of time smoking in the private bowling lane located in the basement of the White House.  

According to sources associated with the White House bowling alley, Mrs. Bush regularly visits the White House Bowling lanes with friends at around 9pm on Monday and Wednesday nights, after the President has gone to bed.

By David Kruk

American family flees USA for Mexico

Phoenix, Az. –  Asking, “What’s so great about  life here” a young Phoenix Arizona man and his family today declared their intention to migrate to Mexico in search of employment and a better life. 

In what may be the first of a new trend in reverse immigration Adam Smith, age 30, and his wife Emily, 29 and their two children today announced to their family and relatives that they were going drive across the Mexican border in the upcoming week in search of a better life.  

Having just been laid off from his job in the technology field because it was outsourced to a firm in India and facing foreclosure on their house, Mr. Smith told relatives today in Phoenix that he had heard from a Mexican chef at the local diner that a family of four can live in Mexico for just a few pesos a month.  American Family Flees To Mexico

Bush to appoint torture zcar

Washington, DC - Riding out the remaining 390 days left in his second term as president, George Bush has proposed to add a new Torture Czar to his administration’s cabinet.  As proposed, the new torture Czar will have primary oversight of torture administered by the CIA but will also oversee torture administered by all local and federal agencies.

The Torture Czar will work with CIA director General Mike Hayden to ensure that CIA administered torture is appropriate as related to the desired information that CIA agents are trying obtained from detainees.    

Announced at a news conference today at the White House, the president's press secretary Dana Perino, told reporters that “The Torture Czar will balance our national security needs with our constitution. It is part of our national conscience to make sure that our agencies tasked with protecting our citizens and fighting the war on terror have the tools they need, while at the same time upholding the principles on which our fine county is based.”   Bush Torture Zcar Cont.