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Red Tractor USA is a news  satire and political satire site - fake news - all B.S           

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Red Tractor USA is a  news satire and political satire site - fake news - all B.S.  

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Local News Satire

Neighborhood Goes Bad; Tattoo and Massage Parlor Disagree        

Tattoo ShopBy Brian K. White   The Admiralty Place neighborhood to the southwest of St. Paul, Minnesota has seen a lot of changes in the last 30 years as industries have changed and the ethnic communities have dissolved. "Old-timers here are concerned because crime is on the rise and the police are growing scared to patrol" says Neighborhood Watch Captain Obadiah Lessen.

Alicia Voonter tries to support the new businesses that have opened but complains that when she went in to buy a pack of Newports "the man tried to sell me baggies and a gram-scale too. He wouldn't let up until finally I agreed to come back later for an elaborate 4-foot tobacco pipe and torch-style lighter."  Neighborhood Gone Bad Cont.

Study Finds, "Chicks are Psycho"         

By Brian K. White   An all-male research team at Princeton university released the findings of a 30-year study this week. This lifetime of research was gathered by five men who describe themselves as “healthy, stable, and well-balanced.” Rufus Twilling, one of the researchers, adds, “We’re not misogynists, I swear.”

The longitudinal study dates back to the early 1970s. At the time, today’s doctoral candidates were merely geeky children who avoided sports and spent vast amounts of time in the role-playing realm of Dungeons & Dragons. Further, three of the five researchers claim to have beaten Mike Tyson on their Nintendo game systems. Crazy Chicks Cont.

Salesman Gouges Church; Goes to Dinner, Hell 

Sales ManBy Brian K. White  Edward Jenkins, an electronics salesman in Denver, Colorado, earned a hefty commission yesterday by selling an overpriced overhead projector to his own church. He promptly took the money and his vast appetite to dinner, only to die in a freak car accident on the way back to a romantic rendezvous.

Mr. Jenkins had earned a respectable income over the past year by selling professional grade broadcast electronics to school districts, government agencies, and unsuspecting churches. 
Salesman Cont.
 

American family flees USA for Mexico in search of jobs, better life 

By David Kruk  Phoenix, Az. –  Asking, “What’s so great about  life here” a young Phoenix Arizona man and his family today declared their intention to migrate to Mexico in search of employment and a better life. 

In what may be the first of a new trend in reverse immigration Adam Smith, age 30, and his wife Emily, 29 and their two children today announced to their family and relatives that they were going drive across the Mexican border in the upcoming week in search of a better life.  American Family Cont.

 

 

 

Government study: trailer trash live in trailer parks

Washington DC, David Kruk - The Federal Office of Minimum Living Standards (OMLS) recently concluded a two year, multi million dollar study of mobile trailer parks. The findings of this study, outlines how mobile home trailer parks are populated with red necks, trailer trash. hookers, petty criminals and convicted sex offenders.

The report published last month concludes in most cases almost all residents of trailer parks are red necks. While the report does not indicate how this came to be, it verified that, on average, seventy-five percent of residents in most trailer parks were poor white people known as red necks.  Trailer Trash Cont.

Pills force man to think only about sex, man sues

Stonecastle, Ohio- Bobzaguy  Saying that he became a slave to his penis when he was prescribed Viagra, Ohio resident John A. Wills filed suit today in Seabury County court against Pfizer Inc., the makers of the drug.  

“These little blue diamonds are playing havoc with my thoughts” said Mr. Wills, a creamatory operator. “As I have got older, my wife is complaining about me and our personal sex things, so I saw my doc and he gave me this prescription for Viagra 100mg. Well, I have to admit they do work the way the instruction video says that’s for sure. Wow, is she happy.”

    05/04/2008

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Past News Satire Headlines

American Family Flees To Mexico
Crazy Chicks
Glenn Beck Guns on campus
Greyhound Deterring Passengers and Terrorists
Marijuana Bongs Recalled
Mike Huckabee Meets Pat Robertson
Neighborhood Gone Bad
Pope Benedict's Secret
Salesman Gouges Church
Study: Trailer Trash Live In Trailer Parks
Unemployment Union Local 641 Goes on Strike
Viagra Lawsuit
Wal-Mart To Offer Sex Toys

Past Political Satire

Bill O'Reilly "I'm not a racist"
Bush Borders
Bush Economic Policy
Bush Education Program
Bush Torture Zcar
Carrot And Stick
Dick Cheney Naval Observatory
George Bush Boxing
Google NSA Join Forces
Homeland Security Duct Tape Auction
John McCain Running Mate: Danica Patrick
Laura Bush Smoking and Drinking
Waterboarding added to 2008 Olympics

Red Tractor USA Columnist

3AM Call To The White House
3AM Call To The White House
Brown Nosing
Corporate Dress Code
Excuses For Being Late To Work
Excuses for being late to work - Autumn
Looking Important at Work
Office Holiday Party Behavior
Office Holiday Party Behavior

Business Satire

Barbie Resigns From Mattel
Bathroom Time Monitored
Bekins Moving Into Future
Chinese Chopstick Recall
Depressing Office
Fast Walking Employee
Holiday Party At Wendy's
Home Depot Sales Person
Homeless Cell Phones
McDonald's Drive Through Outsourced
Problem Solving Flow Chart
Voice Mail Greeting Left on For 18 Months
Wal-Mart Layoffs
Yellow Posted Notes

Local News Satire

Arts and Crap Fair
Bike On Bus
City Sticker Controversy
College Graduate Unemployment
Corrupt Mayor
Do You Tell Your Doctor How Much You Drink?
Foie Gras Chicago
Fun banned at beach
Oil Change Parking Lot
Special Report: Things Not to do Drunk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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News Satire Disclaimer

Red Tractor USA is a news satire and political satire web publication.   All news articles contained within are fiction, fake news,  news satire, humor, political satire or general humor and satire news.  All names used are fictional except those belonging to celebrities and politicians.   Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence in cases of news satire except for all references to George W. Bush, the Bush administration, Dick Cheney, and the White House.     Red Tractor USA is intended for a mature audience.   If our site is offensive in any way, please watch Glenn Beck or  Bill O'Reilly if you are more comfortable with lies, distortions and half truths.  If you have a sense of humor and enjoy news satire and political satire, please enjoy.  

 

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