Tips for looking important at work
By David M. Kruk - October 29, 2006
Hello again. Since we all know that good jobs are hard to find and that the higher ups are often looking for staff to trim, today I am going to share with you some of my favorite tips for looking important in the workplace.
Since we all know that in the workplace, perception becomes reality, the more important you look the more important people will think you are. So the tips I will share with you today are useful to all employees, from the lowest levels to the executive on the move. So here are my tips for looking important.
Walk fast all the time. This is perhaps the best one of all. When going to the bathroom, for a smoke in the parking lot, or to get your 3rd cup of coffee, walk fast. People do not know where you are going but they all know that it must be important when they fear being run over from behind. After all why would you be walking so fast if you did not have somewhere important to be? Also, then make sure to walk back fast from wherever you went. This gives people the impression that you must have had a big fire to put out.
Update your voice mail greeting three or four times a day. So start in the morning with something like, “Hi the is David Kruk, I will be in the bathroom between 9am and 9:30am today and in a meeting from 9:30 to 10am and 10am to 11am, so please leave a message and perhaps I will get back to you”. As the day progress, make sure to complete additional updates.
Detailed voice mail greeting. An alternative tip for looking important regarding your voice mail is to provide every conceivable way on the planet to get a hold of you. This goes something like this. “Hi this is David Kruk, I am in a high level meeting right now. If this is a emergency you can page me at xxx-xxxx or call me on my cell phone at 1-800-eat-shit or if this is really, really an emergency, and I am the only person on the planet that can save your ass, you can reach my assistant at x 7777 or her assistant at x 7778 or the summer intern at x 7776 and they will attempt to find me”.
I am working on a on a presentation. When your phone rings, tell the caller that you are busy working on a PowerPoint presentation and ask if it would be ok to call them back in a couple days.
Company email # 1. With your company email, add an electronic signature to your email that has your name as huge as possible. The normal person usually just uses a regular 10 or 12 point font for this, so to look real important, create your signature file in something like a 24 point font. With this size, each letter is around 1/2 an inch tall.
Company email # 2. Also pertaining to email, every time you leave your desk, set your “Out of office” reminder to let people know that you are away from your desk. Most of these people don’t care that you are there to begin with, but this makes it appear that you must have a lot of people that depend on you if you set this feature four to five times a day.
Afternoon Coffee. Another good one is to get a cup of coffee between 4:30pm and 5:00pm. That way if your boss or anyone else sees you at the coffee pot while they are on the way out the door, they figure you must be here for long haul today, buckling down on an important project or problem. Don’t be concerned about actually drinking the coffee as this is just for show.
Take Notes. A good tactic for looking important and also like a true professional is to pretend to write down almost every word that is spoken in every meeting your in. For this, a simple precise wiggle of your hand with the pen in it will suffice. The stroke here is modeled after the president of the United States when they are in a bill signing ceremony. And remember to write down every thing your boss says no matter how dumb it is.
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