The Best News Satire In The Field

In what seemed to be a rerun of the 2000 Republican campaign, both men appeared in the Rose Garden – their arms on each other's shoulders & big smiles for the cameras.

President Bush put his other hand on McCain's arm and said, "I swear I had nothing to do with any slander that might have been thrown at the good Senator."

"Don't give me that shit," McCain growled through clenched teeth. "And take your hands off me."

McCain lost badly in the poll findings while Senator Obama was in Europe and the Mideast last moth. Afraid that he would be immersed in a viscous floor fight at the Republican Convention this month in Minneapolis, he said that he would now endorse President Bush for a third term — but mocked the ritual, robotically telling reporters, "I endorse George Bush, I endorse George Bush, I endorse George Bush."

As questions were allowed from the press pool, Helen Thomas was called. "Mr. President, it has become law since Franklin Roosevelt's terms in office that a President will only be allowed 2 terms in the office. How do you explain that you will be able to legally seek office for this proposed third term?"

"Well, my friend, there will be an Executive Order which I will sign in the Oval Office later this afternoon, to nullify the law of a President's term of office." President Bush continued, "with the difficulties in the Mideast and all over the remaining Axises of Evils, I feel that I haven't finished my work here. And with the Senator's endorsement today, I have vaulted all the hurdles that were in the path to victory and freedom for all."

Sam Donaldson next sought recognition with a question. "Senator McCain, sir, is it true that you have simply stepped aside here in order to allow this 'Bull in a China Shop' move by the President. That he will take over the campaign and run in your place?"

The Senator spoke into the microphone, ""I endorse George Bush, I endorse George Bush, I endorse George Bush. Does that answer your question? You little twerp."

Dana Perino stepped up to the microphone with a new twist to the press briefing. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have an online question here from a citizen with the screen name of K-rov. The question is "what do you expect to do to balance this new ticket for the Republican party in this always amazing 2008 race for the White House?" "Mr. President, I think that has you written all over it. Care to take it?"

"Well, he-he, I guess that I can sorta answer that with a little bit of news. I am going to stage an all-out search just like the Obama people are doing for my new Vice President. State by state. No stone unturned. And I will select Dick Cheney to man the search, he has lots of experience with this search. He won it in 2000, if I recall." "By the way, I like the catchy name on that internets person. K-rov is it?"

Ms. Perino said, "One more Internet question here and then we are off to Camp David. This one is from RedTractor-USA.com. Senator McCain, with all your experience in foreign policy and the economy, will you seek to be the Vice President for President Bush?"

"Yes, I will seek the office. I want that office, and I am sure that I can do a great job there. Cheney knows that I know the Senate backwards and forwards like the back of my hand here. And with my long tenure in the prison camp in Vietnam, I know that I will be able to go forward from day one in the office. I am capable of this work. I love America. She has been all I have loved my whole life."