News Satire From The Field

What you can buy after working 1 hour for minimum wage 

July 17, 2006. - Chicago - Let’s see.  Minimum wage is $5.15 per hour.   So after a few calculations, our staff economist has come up with the following list of items that you could purchase had you just worked one hour for $5.15 per hour.   

• A gallon of milk with some change left over.

• One gallon of gasoline in the near future.

• Around eight cigarettes. Generic brand.

• A on way train ride to work.

• Around 1/2 a day at the local beach

• Diapers for a day or two so birth control seems like a good idea.

• All though at $1.00 per condom you will not be getting much any way.

• At 9 cents per minute you can talk on your cell phone for 1 hour.

• One beer out at a bar. Around eleven Old Styles if you buy a 30 pack and stay in.

So to conclude.  After a careful economic study, Red Tractor USA has arrived at the following conclusions and developed a monthly plan..    You should talk to your girlfriend once a week for around 15 minutes to setup a date on Fridays after work.   

Then walk to her house, split a pack of smokes, get her liquored up on 5 Old Styles, have sex 2.5 times and suggest that you get up early on Saturday to beat the crowd at the beach.   All of this is based on the assumption that you still live at home with your parents.