Lewinsky Wins Back White House Internship In Charity Auction.
WASHINGTON DC - Last evening Monica
Lewinsky, the quasi-celebrity, designer-pursemaker from California outbid 18
other mini-celebs, including Linda Tripp, Kenneth Starr, Lucianne Goldberg,
Richard Mellon Scaife, Vernon Jordan, Paula Jones, Susan Wright and William
Ginsburg for the job of White House Intern in 2007-08.
This year’s “Not Actively Insured Lobbyists - Exon/Mobil”
or N.A.I.L.-E/M event, is the 65th annual benefit to aid retiring
lobbyists of Exon/Mobil, Inc. Just at $20 million was raised during the
evening’s spirited auction. The proceeds are divided among the 20 still-living
lobbyists who normally spend their days panhandling on K Street in the District
of Columbia. Last year’s retirees numbered 23, but 3 have taken a second phase
of retirement and moved to Bethesda, MD.
By paying the
unexpectedly large sum of $238,045.00, Ms. Lewinsky has ushered herself back
into the Oval Office to attend to the needs of the President, G.W. Bush over his
final 600 days. As an experienced intern, she will earn the exact salary as she
had previously, $0.
When asked why she was so eager to
return to the place of her downfall, she quipped, “I am sure that the current
president has needs that aren’t being met. Since he is a reformed coke head and
alchie, he doesn’t have too much going for him there right now. And the polls
are really hard on him.”
Asked to comment
about his bidding, Mr. Scaife said, “I surely tried my best to keep that woman
off the job, but I maxed out my Amex card by bidding 200 grand. She slammed me
with that final $38,045 raise and I was lost. I am going home now.”
The last-minute trio bid by Linda Tripp, Lucianne
Goldberg and Kenn Starr was looked on as a sure-thing bid for the position
because of the complexities of work they would be able to accomplish for the
President. But they were unable to bid past $5,000 even with Tripp’s offer of
future movie rights payments added in.
According to event chairman and outgoing Republican party chairman, Ken
Mehlman, “We are trying to undo this travesty tonight, but she refuses to take
the money back. It looks like we will end up using the money for the lobbyists
now. We are seeing if Justice can have her moved from the White House when she
arrives, to a post somewhere in central South Dakota with Thune or possibly
Montana...Dick says he has some people there.”
By Bobzguy
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