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O’Reilly, “I’m not a racist, I am close to many black people.”

New York< NY- David Kruk – Responding to critics who claim his recent review of famed Harlem restaurant Sylvia’s was racist, Fox TV host Bill O’Reilly told Red Tractor USA “I’m not a racist, mother fucker, I am close to many black people. The recent flap over this is just plain stupid and it is being fueled by the same radical left wing liberal white people that support that woman Hillary Clinton and that Barack Obama fellow.”

Bill O'Reilly

Mr. O’Reilly’s comments were deemed to be an attempt to offset public opinion after he stated on his September 19 radio show “couldn’t get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia’s Restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City.”

Later O’Reilly told NPR correspondent Juan Williams that “There wasn’t one person in Sylvia’s who was screaming, ‘mother fucker, I want more iced tea.’”  

For starters, O’Reilly said that he and his family have grown very close to their black house keeper of the last fifteen years Mrs. Ella Thompson.   “Mrs. Ella, as we call her, has grown to be a part of our family.  The fact that she is African American mostly goes unnoticed in our house.  It’s not like she sits around and swears all day or cooks soul food for us.” Bill O'Reilly Cont.

Pills force man to think only about sex, man sues

Stonecastle, Ohio-Bobzaguy   Saying that he became a slave to his penis when he was prescribed Viagra, Ohio resident John A. Wills filed suit today in Seabury County court against Pfizer Inc., the makers of the drug.

Viagra

“These little blue diamonds are playing havoc with my thoughts” said Mr. Wills, a creamatory operator. “As I have got older, my wife is complaining about me and our personal sex things, so I saw my doc and he gave me this prescription for Viagra 100mg. Well, I have to admit they do work the way the instruction video says that’s for sure. Wow, is she happy.”

So why the lawsuit? “Well,” continued Wills, “you see it’s this way. I take a pill about 5 in the morning. The wife likes to start her day with ... well, you know ... a little fun. Then, about 7 or so, I go to work. It’s a 25-minute drive on a good day. And I have begun to have these kinda hot, day-dreaming periods as I am driving. Twice already I have almost hit a tree; and once I just about ran into a semi full of chickens.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

06/05/2011

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Red Tractor USA is a news satire, political satire and political humor web publication.   All news articles contained within are fiction, fake news,  news satire, political humor, political satire or general humor and satire news.  All names used are fictional except those belonging to celebrities and politicians.   Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence in cases of news satire except for all references to John McCain, Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, the Bush administration, Dick Cheney, and the White House.     Red Tractor USA is intended for a mature audience.

 

 

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