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Red Tractor USA is a  news satire and political satire site - fake news - all B.S.  

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Paris Hilton Prison Bitch

Los Angeles-David Kruk- Female prisoners in jails all across the country are bursting with excitement over the prospect of sharing their prison cell with Paris Hilton.   After a Los Angeles judge ruled last week that Paris Hilton must serve 45 days in jail for violating her probation for driving with out a valid license, rumors spread quickly throughout the state prison system that some lucky prisoner would be getting a new cell mate.

Paris Hilton Paris Hilton In Prison

Reportedly, most all these prisoners where excited about one thing, the opportunity to make Paris Hilton their prison bitch for 45 days. Red Tractor USA was recently granted access to Valley State Penitentiary for Women located in Chowchilla, California. Reporters interviewed many woman there and found that most all of them had heard the news about Paris Hilton and that they all harbored hopes of having the celebrity hotel heiress assigned to their cell for her 45-day term.

Interviewed in the prison cafeteria, inmate Anne Smith told Red Tractor USA, “I would love to teach that bitch a thing or two, what with having a privileged life and all. Most of us a already have a few ideas of what we’d like to do with her.” Another inmate, who requested that we not use her name, stated that “The girl obviously craves attention. She would be my bitch in about a half an hour if she ends up in my cell.”

Today’s conversation around the prison cafeteria centered on whether or not Paris Hilton had ever been with another woman. Most of the prisoners shouted out that they wanted to be the first. This subject has been the fuel of much speculation in the prison since reports surfaced on the internet in 2003 that the celebrity had appeared in porn movies with another woman.

Of the female prisoners interviewed , they all agreed on one thing — If she has not been with another woman before her prison stay, she will by the time she leaves.

As is stands right now, Paris Hilton has been ordered to turn herself in by June 15. Her lawyers have vowed to appeal this decision.

 

 

 

 

 

 

    05/04/2008

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Past News Satire Headlines

American Family Flees To Mexico
Crazy Chicks
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Past Political Satire

Bill O'Reilly "I'm not a racist"
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Bush Torture Zcar
Carrot And Stick
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Waterboarding added to 2008 Olympics

Red Tractor USA Columnist

3AM Call To The White House
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Brown Nosing
Corporate Dress Code
Excuses For Being Late To Work
Excuses for being late to work - Autumn
Looking Important at Work
Office Holiday Party Behavior
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Barbie Resigns From Mattel
Bathroom Time Monitored
Bekins Moving Into Future
Chinese Chopstick Recall
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Voice Mail Greeting Left on For 18 Months
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News Satire Disclaimer

Red Tractor USA is a news satire and political satire web publication.   All news articles contained within are fiction, fake news,  news satire, humor, political satire or general humor and satire news.  All names used are fictional except those belonging to celebrities and politicians.   Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence in cases of news satire except for all references to George W. Bush, the Bush administration, Dick Cheney, and the White House.     Red Tractor USA is intended for a mature audience.   If our site is offensive in any way, please watch Glenn Beck or  Bill O'Reilly if you are more comfortable with lies, distortions and half truths.  If you have a sense of humor and enjoy news satire and political satire, please enjoy.  

 

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