Pope Benedict's
Little Secret
Rome, Italy - In an astounding moment in Christendom, the secret gay lifestyle of the pope was
revealed this morning by a 33 year-old waiter named Rodolfo Casel, at a small
10-table cafe close to the Vatican where he has worked for 5 years. Rodolfo is
Pope Benedict XVI's lover.
Rodolfo filled Red Tractor USA in on the
comings and goings of the Vicar of Christ. Known as B-dict away from the office,
the pope sneaks away nights disguised as a Swiss guard. Then he goes to the
cafe, actually more like a trattoria, just 3 blocks away. Once there, he changes
clothes from the guard outfit into a nice cashmere sweater and grey flannel
slacks to go with his red patent leather slippers.
In answer to questions by Red Tractor USA,
Rodolfo said "B-dict is a very good customer. He always tips 25% and usually
pours me a glass of wine which he insists that I drink. Even though we are
lovers, he pays the tab with a smile. I have to make a living, you know."
Asked about his decision to reveal the
pope's secret, Rodolfo stated "we have analyzed our relationship in depth with
his spiritual advisor. Then we decided to 'come out' as they say. The advisor
recommended that we be up-front about our situation. 'Tell it like it is', he
said."
Rodolfo then said, "B-dict was very relaxed
about our coming-out. And he was so helpful to my parents. They had threatened
to turn me out when I told them that I am gay. They are now very pleased with my
gayness, especially when he told them that he really is the pope. You should
have seen the look on my dad's face! He said 'I knew I had seen those shoes
somewhere before.'"
Red Tractor then asked about the recent
serious statement by the pope on the church's position on gays and lesbians who
want to marry – "they are an obstacle on the road to peace" – are the pontiff's
exact words.
Rodolfo said "you know he is speaking for
the church then, that's not his personal position. We are planning our own
ceremony now. Of course we are going to have to do it in Canada, and he will
have to be disguised. But we will be married in 2008. B-dict says he will manage
a few days during the new York/Washington trip and we will slip across the
border and up to either Montreal or Toronto – whatever."
His last remark was very romantic, "I hope
we can honeymoon at Niagara Falls, it's always been my dream."
By Bobzaguy |
Saying that he became a
slave to his penis when he was prescribed Viagra, Ohio resident John A. Wills
filed suit today in Seabury County court against Pfizer Inc., the makers of the
drug.
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