The Best News Satire In The Field

God Misses Washington DC By Miles

SUFFOLK, Va., –BobZaguy     -- In an unusual display of righteous anger, God aimed at Washington DC with his high wind tornadoes, and missed by over 100 miles! It wasn't clear immediately why He was off-target by such a wide margin, but weather officials at Regent University's Baptist Weather Center were quick to point out that they have documented evidence that this is not His first-ever wide-margin miss with tornado strikes.

After three tornadoes smashed houses, piled cars on each other and injured more than 200 people, Tim Robertson, acting as spokesman for Rev. Pat Robertson called a press conference at Regent University. He said, "We are saddened by this obvious mistake on God's part, but we must advise the politicians and their agents of change in Washington that He will make good on his anger with their sinful ways during this campaign season. He [God] is not happy right now, and Dr. Robertson has been in touch to offer his advice."

Mr. Robertson, who is a son of Dr. Robertson, continued, "Evidence shows that God's tornadic controller is very precise. Even when he does miss the intended target – almost surgically, in this weather event – obliterating some homes while leaving others just a few feet away untouched."

''The only thing I can say is that most of the people of Suffolk were watched over and blessed,'' Robertson continued. "Sadly, there were some who missed the blessing."

''A number of people were quoted as saying that the noise was similar to 'someone shuffling a giant deck of cards or a herd of wild animals coming through. The wind was coming in through the cracks in the windows,' and many said that they felt like they were having a heart attack," Robertson said. "We have sent our Operation Blessing into Suffolk to help sort this out and give help and assistance where ever it is needed."

"The Suffolk tornado was at least an F3 storm, possibly the most strongest storm ever to strike the region," said a meteorologist in Virginia. F3 tornadoes carry wind speeds from 153 to 213 miles per hour, almost a freak of nature, according to the National Weather Service.

But the Baptist Weather Center at Regent University countered that while it was definitely a major storm, it was not in any way a freak. "This devastating tornado strike was really meant for the sinful politicians just up the road in Washington DC. People need to be aware that this slight miscalculation on God's part was in no way meant as a punishment for the people of Suffolk, VA. They were not meant to suffer God's anger at this time."

This past January, Robertson predicted that 2008 would be a year of worldwide violence. When he was asked whether his father's prediction was coming true in Virginia, he said "My father possibly was thinking about this evil situation in Washington and the Democratic primary debates and fights. I can't be sure that this [storm] is a result of any prayer on my father's part. He does pray constantly about Washington politics, both for and against it."