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Government Study Finds Red Necks, Trailer Trash, Criminals And Sex Offenders Live In Trailer Parks

Washington DC, David Kruk - The Federal Office of Minimum Living Standards (OMLS) recently concluded a two year, multi million dollar study of mobile trailer parks. The findings of this study, outlines how mobile home trailer parks are populated with red necks, trailer trash. hookers, petty criminals and convicted sex offenders.

The report published last month concludes in most cases almost all residents of trailer parks are red necks. While the report does not indicate how this came to be, it verified that, on average, seventy-five percent of residents in most trailer parks were poor white people known as red necks.  

Personal interviews, photos of vehicles with gun racks parked outside trailer homes, and non-working refrigerators located outside the trailer homes, as well as confederate flag window blinds were all used as evidence to reach the report’s conclusion.

In addition to red necks, the study cross referenced arrest records from FBI files with their own findings and concluded that almost 60% of trailer park residents were ex-convicts. 

In one trailer park in Florida 50 percent of all residents were registered sex offenders. Thankfully, that trailer park was for adults only. The OMLS office study concluded that these registered sex offenders have ended up in trailer parks because they have no other place left to go.

The Office of Minimum Living Standers was created by President George Bush after the hurricane Kristina devastated the city of New Orleans in 2005. The President and his wife Laura were reportedly so shocked by their first mages of poor people that the President created the Office of Minimum Living Standards to determine just how many poor American there actually are and to learn more about how they live.

To reach their conclusion, the Office of Minimum Living Standards sent workers to trailer parks all across the country for the last two years and compiled a database of all residents living in trailer parks. Due to the transient nature of these residents, the Federal researchers had to visit many of the parks over and over. In many cases the OMLS surveyors found that local law enforcement officials already had detailed lists of residents in trailer parks.

Some of the high costs of this study however, were attributed to the risk and danger associated with field surveying. Many of the initial field surveyors were criminally assaulted, robed or raped. To complete the study the government had to increase the salaries of the surveyors in order to retain the best employees and in other cases pay compensation to employees who were assaulted on the job.

Red Tractor USA recently visited a trailer park in rural Michigan to compare findings and found that that indeed the park was stocked full with red necks. While friendly, most of the trailer park residents that we met were skeptical of the government report, at least when it came to the sex offender part. One resident, Bubba Smith, told Red Tractor USA that everyone around his trailer park minds their own business.  Smith stated “I don’t think anyone here cares much what you do in the privacy of your own mobile home, though I have been wondering what the deal with those ankle bracelets was.”

An anonymous resident in the trailer park told Red Tractor USA that “I could have saved the government a lot of money. It does not take a rocket scientist to tell me that there are bunch of red necks and trailer trash living here.”

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American family flees USA for Mexico

Phoenix, Az. –  Asking, “What’s so great about  life here” a young Phoenix Arizona man and his family today declared their intention to migrate to Mexico in search of employment and a better life. 

In what may be the first of a new trend in reverse immigration Adam Smith, age 30, and his wife Emily, 29 and their two children today announced to their family and relatives that they were going drive across the Mexican border in the upcoming week in search of a better life.  

Having just been laid off from his job in the technology field because it was outsourced to a firm in India and facing foreclosure on their house, Mr. Smith told relatives today in Phoenix that he had heard from a Mexican chef at the local diner that a family of four can live in Mexico for just a few pesos a month.  American Family Flees To Mexico

Bush to appoint torture zcar

Washington, DC - Riding out the remaining 390 days left in his second term as president, George Bush has proposed to add a new Torture Czar to his administration’s cabinet.  As proposed, the new torture Czar will have primary oversight of torture administered by the CIA but will also oversee torture administered by all local and federal agencies.

The Torture Czar will work with CIA director General Mike Hayden to ensure that CIA administered torture is appropriate as related to the desired information that CIA agents are trying obtained from detainees.    

Announced at a news conference today at the White House, the president's press secretary Dana Perino, told reporters that “The Torture Czar will balance our national security needs with our constitution. It is part of our national conscience to make sure that our agencies tasked with protecting our citizens and fighting the war on terror have the tools they need, while at the same time upholding the principles on which our fine county is based.”   Bush Torture Zcar Cont.