McCain To
Outsource US Economy To e-Bay
McCainSpace, West Virginia "We
shouldn't be so obsessed with looking backwards all the time, and saying, `Gee,
where did those jobs go?' '' , states John McCain. When speaking on the economy he regularly asserts that
"…1.3 million people world-wide make a living off e-Bay.'' He holds up this
figure as uncontested evidence that e-Bay is a great business model for the US
economy.
"That's why I have decided to outsource the US
economy to e-Bay. If it can work as brilliantly, or" (he snickers) "even half as
brilliantly, as e-Bay works, then the US economic engine will be back on track,
in no time flat. You can count on it."
"I see these four points of our economy
specifically as being helped by my good friend Meg Whitman's business model."
McCain said.
* Lower Barriers to Trade
* Cheap and Clean Energy
* Relief for Families
* Supporting Small Businesses
Meg Whitman, e-Bay's former chief executive who
is now a campaign co-chairwoman says "for John, e-Bay is proof that American
ingenuity, unbound by trade barriers or taxes, can compete in a global economy."
Sen. McCain adds in, "It's an
information-technology revolution, and it's not that much different, as far as
its effects world-wide, from what the industrial revolution was. Now that is
something that I remember. I was small, but I remember."
He begins his Power Point presentation. "Take
this first issue – lower the trade barriers – Now e-Bay has figured this one out
without even consulting any economic experts. Sell everything through the
internet. And we can easily do this with all our goods and services. Bang! the
barriers fall immediately. Gone. Gone. Gone. Hell, we can even mount and supply
our next wars and incursions with this nice function."
The next slide comes up and the Senator
continues, "Yea, cheap and clean energy. That's a big economic issue. It's what
everyone wants and can't get. Cheap gas, cheap electricity, cheap anything. Why,
I think it's a piece of cake with this internet. It'll lower the prices of gas
and oil and electricity for everyone. I imagine everyone being able to trade
coupons through e-Bay for the gas and oil they need. It's so simple. I even know
how to do this now. I can't believe how easy it is."
He pushes the Power Point button and the 3rd
slide comes up – relief for families. "Now this one is close to my and Cindy's
hearts, folks, everyone is looking for relief now days. Right? So here it is,
easy as pie. You sign into e-Bay and click on the 'family relief' button. Up
comes all these cents-off coupons to print out and use. Then you sell a couple
of your dogs, or a few pairs of skates you quit using, or your kid's old, I mean
'retro', plastic swimming pool. You're into relief big time now."
The fourth slide – supporting small businesses
– comes up. "Now this last one here is the prime mover in our new economy.
Everyone wants to own their own business. Hell, even my wife has one of her own.
She wanted somewhere to go each day to get out of the house, and that's what
she's got. A nice little business. Well, everyone gets the chance here to have
theirs as well. Just log into e-Bay and start selling your stuff. You're in
business just like my little Cindy is. And before long you too can have more
houses than you can stay in over a week's time.
"Who knew that people selling stuff out of
their closets on e-Bay would become the engine that grows the whole economy?''
McCain continues with "this new e-Bay economy
will send the message that America doesn't need to produce anything anymore.
What a waste of time and energy. There's so much stuff out there already, why
not put it to use again?"
The Senator's finishing comment was this.
"Everyone wants to know when can they quit their day job so they can go onto
e-Bay and make the big bucks.''
By Bobzaguy
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