Cheney
Close To Vice Presidential Library Deal At Undisclosed Location
Washington DC, maybe —Bob Zaguy Word
from an undisclosed source released today is that Vice President Cheney will
sign a deal by November 4 to move his closely guarded safe loaded with his
official papers to a university that agrees to remain undisclosed. Or any other
place that doesn't mind hiding.
My source agreed to meet only in a private
HG.com forum and he would allow me to ask him only 3 questions. He would then
study the questions and eventually post his answers to an undisclosed website
with strict password protections.
With these stipulations I signed the agreement.
I prepared my questions hoping to get more information that might reveal the
possible location of the library, if not that fabled namesake "undisclosed"
place in DC that Cheney retires to every-so-often.
For brevity, I have taken the liberty of
posting both the questions and answers here now that I have them:
1. How many locations are being
considered?
A. We have 6 universities, 2 document
shredder corporations, 8 mega-churches: 3 TV churches, 2 denominational, 3
unaffiliated; 1 Air National Guard unit & a major copy shop/delivery service.
All of these locations have applied, we haven't asked anyone for space. In other
words, these locations are all unsolicited by Vice's staff. This shows the high
degree of respect Mr. Cheney commands.
2. Are all locations prepared for the
complete blackout that will ensue for them?
A. We have had some very aggressive
discussions with several of the churches, especially the TV ones who object to
not being able to use the VP association for their fund-raising. Two
universities with ties to TV ministries have also expressed their displeasure at
becoming undisclosed. They feel it will be hard to tell new students how to get
to the campus. They have also raised some good points about their students with
graduate degrees in Bible & Political Conservatism (our advanced B&PC degree)
who wish to become Washington bureaucrats.
And the national copy service wants to
limit the number of locations that the Vice will be able to render as
undisclosed. We suggested a month-by-month rotation plan depending on Mr.
Cheney's travel needs, which of course, will hinge on the success of the pending
war crimes trials that will materialize. If this heats up, we may be able to
limit the undisclosed locations to just Switzerland, the Caymans and Gitmo.
We realize that this would greatly reduce
the library's visitor-attendance numbers, but that really isn't the primary
issue here after all. Vice President Cheney has always said, "Why would anyone
want to go? Nothing to see anything anyway."
Amazingly, the location with the best
travel ops for Cheney, the Air National Guard, was asked to withdraw their offer
by the Vice President just last week when the DoD shipped the unit to
Afghanistan for the next 12-24 months with a 2-year redeployment add-on. He said
he wasn't interested in having to travel to Kabul just to check his email.
3. Why has the VP decided to pursue this
never-before considered library idea?
A, Briefly, there are just the 4 reasons:
a. Get away from things…Lynn, war trials,
people in general.
b. Unfinished projects from Bush years.
Build the empire, solidify the unitary presidency, destroy that Arctic wildlife
refuge once and for all.
c. Make boatloads of money. Eventual
location will pay for build-out and run-time management (all by Halliburton);
and Cheney's salary — $5m/year. plus a signing bonus minimum of $15m.
d. Maybe most important, he's earned it. He
has harbored such a long-abiding, deep distaste in his psyche since his own
ill-fated choice of himself as Vice back 8 years ago. He has wanted a do-over
all these years. And since there hasn't been one, then he's going to do the
library. I did mention the signing bonus?
After reading the answers I was very
disappointed that "source" refused to answer any of my follow-ups. He/she said
that there just wasn't any point in continuing the session. He/she said that
"Vice doesn't really care if there is any information for the public about his
library, as there's no way he's going to let anyone else into the place. No how.
No matter where it finally ends up."
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