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Wal-Mart to offer sex toys

Bentonville, Arkansas - Wal-Mart Corporation today announced that they are preparing to sell sex toys in select stores around the country. The mammoth retailer spent a full year on customer research and reached the conclusion that in select rural markets, where it’s stores are most popular, there is definitely a pent-up demand for sex toys among women.

Wal-mart to sell sex toys

Starting with a rural Iowa location, Wal-Mart plans a pilot operation for this new sales effort over the summer. The new store-within-the-store, referred to as the “Home Pleasure” department, will feature vibrators and dildoes at reduced prices. The store reportedly will offer the wildly popular Martha Stewart “Prison” line of vibrators in addition to its regular offerings.

According to Wal-Mart spokesman Edward Kennedy, “While we expect some risk in this venture, our research indicates that women in rural parts of the country have largely unfulfilled desires and needs for these items”. Kennedy additionally pointed to recent studies in urban markets where internet access is affordable and common. There a wide variety of sex toys are commonly purchased by married women..  

In rural parts of the country where Wal-Mart stores are sometimes the only retail business around, internet access can also be very limited, so the selling of sex toys appears to be a natural extension of Wal-Mart’s personal products offerings. Spokesman Kennedy told Red Tractor USA that the female customers that they surveyed had privately indicated that they “most desired sex toys in the summer time, when their husbands worked the farms from dusk to dawn, seven days a week.”

Wal-Mart’s Kennedy also revealed the retailer’s marketing plans to locate the “Home Pleasure” departments in the rear of the store near the guns and ammo department. While the men are checking out the latest in Smith and Wessons, their wives can shop discreetly and with confidence for their own little helpers.

Wal-Mart sees an opportunity to demystify these types of items and even envisions these locations having private, women-only parties as a means to attract new and discerning customers into their stores. When asked if they expected any backlash from their conservative customers, a Wal-Mart executive who wished to remain anonymous, told Red Tractor USA that “We are already the volume leader in condoms and birth control pills in our pharmacies. So we feel that today’s Wal-Mart woman will readily welcome these additions.”

 

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Wal-Mart To Offer Sex Toys

 

 

    05/04/2008

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Past News Satire Headlines

American Family Flees To Mexico
Crazy Chicks
Glenn Beck Guns on campus
Greyhound Deterring Passengers and Terrorists
Marijuana Bongs Recalled
Mike Huckabee Meets Pat Robertson
Neighborhood Gone Bad
Pope Benedict's Secret
Salesman Gouges Church
Study: Trailer Trash Live In Trailer Parks
Unemployment Union Local 641 Goes on Strike
Viagra Lawsuit
Wal-Mart To Offer Sex Toys

Past Political Satire

Bill O'Reilly "I'm not a racist"
Bush Borders
Bush Economic Policy
Bush Education Program
Bush Torture Zcar
Carrot And Stick
Dick Cheney Naval Observatory
George Bush Boxing
Google NSA Join Forces
Homeland Security Duct Tape Auction
John McCain Running Mate: Danica Patrick
Laura Bush Smoking and Drinking
Waterboarding added to 2008 Olympics

Red Tractor USA Columnist

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Special Report: Things Not to do Drunk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Red Tractor USA is a news satire and political satire web publication.   All news articles contained within are fiction, fake news,  news satire, humor, political satire or general humor and satire news.  All names used are fictional except those belonging to celebrities and politicians.   Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence in cases of news satire except for all references to George W. Bush, the Bush administration, Dick Cheney, and the White House.     Red Tractor USA is intended for a mature audience.   If our site is offensive in any way, please watch Glenn Beck or  Bill O'Reilly if you are more comfortable with lies, distortions and half truths.  If you have a sense of humor and enjoy news satire and political satire, please enjoy.  

 

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