McCain Goes To Craigslist For His
White House Jobs
Aboard the Straight Talk Express—God knows
where – As a result of this reporter's question about what the first 100 days of
a McCain presidency might look like, John McCain jumped up and instructed anyone
within hearing range to start looking for people to staff the White House.
He yelled, "Hey everyone, anyone listening,
it's gonna happen after all! You know the press always knows what's going on in
the campaigns before we do. So let's get started. We have a lot of people to
hire and that's no joke."
Several top level advisers jumped out of their
seats on the STE bus and fired up their computers to get the best possible
talent available for the work of the McCain Administration. They all signed into
the main Craigslist site. Then each one chose their own locations to post the
beginnings of what they said would be a massive campaign to hire the best and
the brightest in the nation to do the work of President McCain.
When asked about the possibility that he might
lose, he rejoined with his loud voice "Hell no I won't lose now. With the press
behind me on this end run at the job, I have it in the bag here. There won't be
any crying in the beer here on the Express, guys. No need to feel sorry for John
McCain. Good ol' John McCain will be concentrating on feeling sorry for
himself,’’ Mr. McCain finished.
"What about the chances that you may not be
left in the running, as the electoral college polls are indicating?" asked the
reporter.
“Oh, sure,’’ Mr. McCain said. “ I mean, I don’t
dwell on it. I’m the most fortunate man on earth and I thank God for it every
single day. Just look at how good Sarah's doin' over there in Pennsylvania. Why
she is able to heat up those fine supporters to a ner-do-well. They just love to
yell back at her each time she mentions the 'Ayers' thing and the 'Wright'
thing. They just blow up in such a righteous anger about all these true things
she is saying about Obama. The jerk. I love being the underdog. You know every
time that I've gotten ahead, somehow I've messed it up. Just like clockwork. I'm
confident now that it's working our way. Why would I not sense that things are
headed our way? Cindy feels it too. That's why she did the New York Times
article. Just to prove that we can take it like a man. Lay out our blue collar
existence and let the voters get a whiff of what we are about."
He continued on, "I've been in all too many
campaigns, my friend, remember now that —hey, I'm a guy that was fifth from the
bottom of his class at the Naval Academy there, and now I have the nominations
of Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan, for Christ's sake.
Yea, OK, so it's really the party of those fine men. I get it now. Who cares
about that one Secretary's opinion? OK, endorsement."
The campaign staff manager dropped a couple of
stacks of papers on his lap while he continued, "So now we have this great army
of talent out there to rouse up and start moving into Washington, they will
prove to the people of this nation that I am really the maverick I remember
being back in the days.
"We are going to bring in a whole new set of
people. You know that more than 3,000 men and women are appointed by the
president to government office?" He stopped to wipe his lips which were really
dripping now, "and only 600 of them are subject to the fucking Senate's
approval. The rest of the jerks will serve at the pleasure of the president –
and that's gonna be me boys, me!.
"Hey, I've been on enough campaigns, my friend,
to sense enthusiasm and momentum, and we've got it, and I — again, I don't have
to look at polls, even though the polling numbers have closed dramatically in
the last few days. But I don't really look at them. When you're the underdog and
a maverick to boot, you don't need no eff-in' poll numbers to know what's going
on.
"Hey guys, I gotta get some work done here now.
This Craigslist thing is the best idea ever. I can't believe that he does this
for nothing. Stupid jerk."
By Bobzaguy
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